


Magpie Thieving 101

by GoofyGoldenGirl



Category: Fandom - Fandom, Original Work
Genre: Birds, Fandom Allusions & Cliches & References, Gen, Humor, Magpies, Mild Language, Original Fiction, Robbery, Screenplay/Script Format, Stealing, Work Contains Fandom Elements, park
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-11-05
Updated: 2015-11-05
Packaged: 2018-04-30 04:43:34
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,375
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5150693
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/GoofyGoldenGirl/pseuds/GoofyGoldenGirl
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>
  <em>The scene is a park where three magpies gather with the intent to steal. </em>
  <br/>
  <em>Any alleged thematic material, references, or symbolism may or may not be intentional. You figure it out. </em>
</p>
            </blockquote>





	Magpie Thieving 101

_FADE IN from black. Gioachino Rossini's **The Thieving Magpie** plays. A VOICEOVER comes over: _

**THE ANNOUNCER**  
During the making of this short we contacted various A list actors and animators to help us with our production. Sadly after numerous phone calls, tweets, and promos, none of them answered back. So we had to improvise. The voice talents featured here are: Steve, Bill, Terry, and myself. All animation was done by Kate, Wendy, and John. Shout out to our intern Bob for providing coffee and research! We love you Bob! Get well soon!

_DISSOLVE to the title card of the animated short: **Magpie Thieving 101** _

**CREDITS:**  
Magpie 1: Bill  
Magpie 2: Steve  
Magpie 3: Kyle  
Background People: Terry and Bill

_The song fades out_

**Scene: A Park**

_It is a warm spring/summer day. The park is filled with people. ZOOM IN to two MAGPIES perching on a tree branch._

**MAGPIE 1**  
(Has a high pitched, electronic, mysterious sounding voice)  
Oh boy! It sure is a great day to rob the crap outta somebody (turns head to MAGPIE 2) Check this out!

_MAGPIE 1 takes flight. He swoops down and lands in the middle of a park table where a group is eating_

**MAGPIE 1**  
(frantically flapping his wings)Squawk! Squawk! I'm a magpie! This is a stickup! I'm gonna steal your stuff! 

_MAGPIE 1 hops his way all over the table, knocking over glasses and plates. There is a commotion as the group try to force him to leave_

**MAGPIE 1**  
Don't mind if I do! (picks up as much food as he can) You can't catch me! Ha! Ha! Ha!

_He flies off, cackling manically. The humans shout. He lands back on the branch_

**MAGPIE 1**  
See! I scored! (He takes a bite of food)

**MAGPIE 2**  
(Has a brooding English accent)  
What are you a _pigeon?_

**MAGPIE 1**  
Excuse me?

**MAGPIE 2**  
How can you call yourself a magpie?

**MAGPIE 1**  
Whoa man like what's your problem?

**MAGPIE 2**  
Well look at yourself! You think this is all just a _game?_ Stumbling about like a drunk elephant at some measly circus? Bellowing at the top of your lungs so all can hear you? Let me tell you it would have been a true spectacle if you just choked on your food and collapsed in your own pool of vomit!

**MAGPIE 1**  
But it works man! Why can't you just respect that we have different ways of getting the job done?

**MAGPIE 2**  
Thieving is an art and I take it _seriously._ _You_ look like a _dick._

**MAGPIE 1**  
But we're magpies! We're supposed to be _dicks._

**MAGPIE 2**  
Where's your intelligence? Where's the trickery? Where's the grace and elegance? And you'd stoop so low just for _food?_ Let me show you how it's done. 

_MAGPIE 2 takes flight. He lands in front of a WOMAN sitting on a park bench. She is wearing a shiny necklace which the camera lingers on. CUT back to MAGPIE 2 who gazes up at her_

**WOMAN** Aw! You're so pretty! 

**MAGPIE 2**  
(tilts head and flirtatiously winks) Coo. 

**MAGPIE 1**  
Aw man like that's like totally gross! She's a human! 

_MAGPIE 2 coos again. The Thieving Magpie plays. He begins to hop about as if he were dancing. CLOSE UP on the feet as he moves them as if he were tap dancing. Another CLOSE UP as he raises his wings about and spins. ZOOM OUT._

**MAGPIE 1**  
(Rolls eyes) Ugh! 

_The woman laughs and claps._

**WOMAN**  
Oh my god I have to take a video of this! 

_She reaches for her phone in her bag. MAGPIE 2 flies off_

**WOMAN**  
Aw man! 

_She does not realize that MAGPIE 2 is behind her and is undoing her necklace. He skillfully removes it and flies off again. The woman feels that something is off but doesn't know what it is until she places a hand close to her neck_

**WOMAN**  
My necklace! 

_MAGPIE 2 returns to the branch._

**MAGPIE 2**  
(Gloating) See? (Dangles the necklace in front of MAGPIE 1) Ha! Now _I_ scored. 

**MAGPIE 1**  
(Huffs and turns away from him) I'm not taking advice from a pretentious asshole like _you!_

**MAGPIE 2**  
I am not _pretentious!_

**MAGPIE 1**  
Yes you are! 

**MAGPIE 2**  
No I'm not! 

**MAGPIE 1**  
Yes you are! 

**MAGPIE 2**  
No I'm not! 

_Thunder cracks and a low demonic rumbling voice is heard:_

**MAGPIE 3**  
You both have _failed._

_The two birds turn to see that MAGPIE 3 has joined them on the branch. He is bigger than the other two and has red eyes._

**MAGPIE 2**  
Oh hey man, what's up? 

**MAGPIE 3**  
Look at you birdbrains! Squabbling over the most petty of issues. Why waste your time on material gain when there is more _valuable_ treasure to be gained? 

**MAGPIE 1**  
Oh yeah? Like what pal? The middle ages are over and we ain't going to heaven! What could better than just _stuff?_

**MAGPIE 3**  
Why young one I'm glad you asked. Come children. (Beckons with his wing) Let me show you. 

_He takes flight. Cut to a group of seven children playing jumprope. MAGPIES 1 and 2 watch from a tree above_

**MAGPIE 1**  
Is he gonna take the jumprope? 

**MAGPIE 2**  
Don't be stupid. He wouldn't do that. 

_The children are chanting the magpie rhyme. The camera pans from left to right as they play._

**CHILDREN**  
One for sorrow  
Two for joy  
Three for a girl  
And four for-- 

_MAGPIE 3 lands close by and looks up at them. The children stop their play._

**CHILDREN**  
It's a magpie! It's a magpie! 

_After a few seconds of intense staring MAGPIE 3 flies away, but is still in sight._

**CHILDREN**  
Awww! It flew away! 

_One of them a BOY glances off towards where the magpie flew off and calls out:_

**BOY**  
Wait! Come back! 

_He runs after it. Magpies 1 and 2 follow._

**BOY**  
Oh Mr. Magpie! Mr. Magpie! Where'd you go? Come back! Come back! 

_He arrives in an abandoned clearing. There is little sunlight and the area is filled with bushes and trees. The two magpies look out from behind a bush._

**MAGPIE 2**  
What could-- 

_MAGPIE 1 shushes him. The boy turns. A rustle is heard as MAGPIE 3 steps out into the middle of the clearing. His red eyes light up in the darkness_

**BOY**  
Oh there you-- 

_A demonic hiss is heard which turns into a shriek. CUT to the other two magpies as they watch the scene in horror and begin to shout_

**MAGPIE 1**  
Oh my god! Holy shit! 

**MAGPIE 2**  
(Covering his eyes with his wings) Oh my god! Oh my god! 

**MAGPIE 1**  
What the hell is wrong with him? 

**MAGPIE 2**  
I'm gonna be sick! I can't look! 

**MAGPIE 1**  
I can't do this anymore man! Why? _Why?_

_MAGPIE 2 whimpers. CUT to the BOY'S shadow illuminated on the bush. He collapses to the ground. Silence falls._

_CUT to the two magpies who are clinging to each other, terrified. MAGPIE 3 approaches them. Smoke surrounds him and his eyes are redder than ever._

**MAGPIE 3**  
Now _that_ boys is how you steal. Now if you excuse me, I have an appointment with the devil. 

_He flies off. Magpies 1 and 2 gaze at him before MAGPIE 1 turns to MAGPIE 2_

**MAGPIE 1**  
Yikes! 

_MAGPIE 2 faints_

_CREDITS ROLL_

_One of two post credit scenes is shown_

**POST CREDIT SCENE 1**  
**Scene: The Park**

_The group of children are talking amongst themselves. The BOY enters. He is visibly upset and has a thousand yard stare. They look and see him._

**CHILD 1**  
There you are! We were worried about you! 

**CHILD 2**  
Wanna play some more? 

_CUT to THE BOY_

**BOY**  
Yeah 

_ZOOM IN on his eyes. They flash red_  
**END SCENE**

**POST CREDIT SCENE 2**  
**Scene: Hell**

_It is a typical scene of hell. Fires burn, the screams of the damned are heard. CUT to THE DEVIL who stands in a middle of a rocky wasteland and has an annoyed expression._

**THE DEVIL**  
What in my kingdom's name do you want? Leave! Shoo! Shoo! 

_CUT to Magpie 3. He opens his mouth and lets out a demonic caw_  
**END SCENE**


End file.
